David the IV

I am very concerned about my fish, David the IV. See, I don't think he's motivated enough to stay alive. Which discourages me because, well, I pay for his fish food. I'll often find him floating on his side. Worried, I'll tap the fish bowl and he'll reluctantly begin moving again. Lately, I haven't been taking him serioiusly when he does this. I'll find myself encouraging him to stay alive. I tell him about what happens to fish when they die. Usually this is a morbid process that involves a toilet.
But I feel sorry for him. He's been alone in a small fish bowl, that has plastic grass that often falls apart, with colored rocks on the bottom for almost a year and a half. For a fish, he's been alive for a long time. The only exciting things that happens in his day, is when I feed him, when the grass starts floating to the top again, or when my cat threatens to eat him.
Poor David the IV. I think he's also becoming suicidal. (This makes me wonder if I should be mixing anti-depressants in the water.) He's got the IQ of a broccoli so he can't come up with any clever ways to kill himself, so he just sits there thinking dead thoughts. Someday I hope he goes to a happier place where there is a larger fishbowl, no cat, and, perhaps, a toilet.