This is an actual conversation I had with a five year-old today:

Me: When's your birthday?
Christopher: *thinks* ummmm...Patrick's dad?
Me: What?
Christopher: Wanna play Candyland?


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This is another conversation I overheard between two five year-olds.


Joshua: Kick my butt!
Christopher: Don't say butt, it's a bad word.
Joshua: You just said it.
Christopher: Well, because you just said it.
Joshua: Well, it doesn't matter if it's a bad word. I'm the bestest boy in the whole world.
Christopher: Josh, maybe you are the bestest boy in the world, but---
Joshua: YOU SAID IT AGAIN!