Thursday, March 17, 2005

Lent has definitely begun

I find that Lent happens at the best time for me. The time when I've become most lazy, most distracted during services, when I can't, won't lay aside my earthly cares for an hour and a half and after I've already gotten myself in a hole. Something I do feel happy about is after Lent I feel in more control of my life again, though I do a bit of struggling to regain that control.

I was feeling insecure about some of the gifts that God has given me. One for example, dealing with children. I always thought I was really good at that, I was proud of it. Then I started noticing little mistakes I had been making. (Not dangerous mistakes, that is. Just not treating the children with the love I could have been sharing with them.) Suddenly I felt as if my gift was slipping away from me. Then I realized my true mistake. I began wondering if I'm planning the right kind of life for myself.

My gift doesn't come from ME! It comes from God. I still have to pray that God will give me strength, patience and love and help me to give the children I care for what He gave them. Love. I can't give myself so much credit for something that God really is responsible for.

I know, deep thoughts for E Rica.


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