You know you're Orthodox if...........

Fr. Wayne sent this out a bit ago. Thought I'd share.

You know you're Orthodox if...........
On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Japanese food.
You are more comfortable standing in church than sitting.
You can suck up the crumbs of bread out of your hand without coughing.
You can sing ison to any song (and you know what an ison is.).
Lent to you means peanut butter, tofu, soy, lots and lots of pita bread and hummus, and services at least five times a week.
You're used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
On your first encounter with long words, you pronounce them stressing the 'next to the next to last' syllable.
You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards when you see him on TV.
You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you know you'll be standing a long, long time.
To you, a 'topless' gal is one without a headscarf.
You get great deals on Easter candy.
Before you pray, you say a prayer.
You don't flinch when someone throws water at you.
When you first tell people who ask what religion you are, at first they think you're Jewish. Oy!
You're experienced at removing wax from clothing.
The service routinely starts at least 15 minutes late, lasts 2+ hours and nobody around you complains.
You consider any service two hours or under short.
You know you're in an Orthodox church when the priest says, "Let us complete our prayer to the Lord", and there's still an hour to go.
At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your forehead.
Your Pascha isn't Pascha without an all-night party.
Your priest is married.
You have seen all members of clergy in purple robes.
You can differentiate between the eight different chanting tones.
You typically celebrate a feast day by observing strict fasting.
You celebrate feast days the night before.
You address the City as Constantinople instead of Istanbul .
You can say "Lord have mercy" 40 times without making a mistake.
You can say "Christ Is Risen"/"Indeed He Is Risen" in a million languages.
You have tournaments of red-egg-cracking on Pascha... And you usually know who's being a wise-guy with the wooden one.
You have multiple priests' numbers in your cell phone.
You actually read the Bible in your spare time.
You've slept overnight in your church for a retreat.
You've grown accustomed to the taste of wine because you've had it since you were a baby.
Even if you don't speak the language fluently (i.e. Albanian, Greek, Russian, etc.) you could still carry on a decent conversation about food in it.
You could write a book on the symbolism in an Orthodox wedding... during the wedding... because they are just that long